Taste the Rainbow
From pomegranate teriyaki to mango-chili.
The Tomato-Based Sauces
Barbecue: Smoky and sweet, pretty much what you’re familiar with if you use barbecue sauce from a bottle.
Mexican ketchup: Comes with a red layer and a green layer. The green stuff is super-garlicky green salsa, the red is standard ketchup. They work better together than apart, but you shouldn’t plan on kissing anyone after.
Curry ketchup: This one is kind of fun, if you like your fries with a sweet Indian touch.
Irish curry: You might see this stuff as a condiment option at fish and chip shops. It’s a little salty and not super-flavorful, but might tap into some kind of nostalgia for some folks.
Sundried tomato: This creamy dipping sauce is quite salty, with some dried herbs in the mix. Not a ton of tomato flavor.
The Herby Sauces
Dill lemon: Very mild, with not much lemon flavor. Basically just mayonnaise with some dill mixed in.
Pesto mayo Though it seems like pesto should work well without the mayo, a respectable amount of actual pesto flavor manages to sneak through.
Roasted garlic: Sweet, with a decent amount of roasted flavor.
Horseradish: This is some pretty tame horseradish.
Rosemary garlic: Sure, there's a ton of rosemary flavor, but this is far too sweet.
The "Asian" Sauces (for lack of a better name)
Peanut satay: A nice blend of flavors, a little heavy on the ginger. The sauce does taste like it was mixed a few days ago, though, as the peanuts are not exactly crunchy anymore.
Sweet chili: A little too gel-like, a little too sweet.
Vietnamese pineapple: Interesting. Very sweet and herbal with a faint pineapple background and a bit of heat. Strangely fatty too, like there’s mayo or at least plenty of oil in here.
Pomegranate teriyaki: We get neither pomegranate nor teriyaki from this mayo-based sauce. What I do get is a very gingery, sweet mayo with a touch of soy. Maybe ginger/soy is supposed to make it taste vaguely Asian and vaguely Asian = teriyaki by default?
Sambal: This tastes like straight-from-the-jar Huy Fong brand Sambal Oelek (crushed fresh chili sauce). That is to say, it tastes like something we want to put on everything, including fries.
Wasabi Mayo: A decent wasabi taste but a sweetness that sort of seems put of place. Potent but hardly aggressive.
Sweet Mango Chutney: Not at all bad, but much more sweet-and-spicy than anything identifiable as mango.
Black truffle: HELLO, truffle oil. Totally dominant in an unpleasant way. You'd have to really love truffle oil to want this much of it.
Smoked eggplant: Super smoky, the smoke flavor is much stronger than the eggplant. Kind of nice in a mayo-mixed-with-babaganoush way.
Wild mushroom: Mushroom flavor too weak to add anything other than a kind of earthy and kind of rubbery-bit way.
The Cheeses and Mustards
Dijon: Classic French-style Dijon; makes the nose flare a little, definitely has some bite but also a smooth, creamy mustard texture.
Parmesan pepper: Peppercorny, a little sweet, reminiscent of peppery Caesar salad dressing.
Cheddar: Florescent orange nacho cheese dip. you dip, and it fossilizes that fry-indentation; you know that cheezy, semi-gluey texture.
Honey mustard: Very sweet, more candy than mustard.
Blue cheese: Thick wall of blue cheese, not the runny kind; you must apply some force as you poke through with fry. Sweet, not very tangy, throat-coatingly creamy.
The Weird Ones
Curry Ketchup Especial: In both of these, the mayonnaisey parts and the other element (here, curry ketchup) stay separate...
War Sauce: ... and the raw onion dominates just about everything.