The election is over, and we have gotten rid of quite a few turkeys. We have a new governor, Eliot Spitzer, and though he is a New Yorker he doesn't seem like he's the type of guy who cares about food. In fact I'd be willing to bet money (if Spitzer wouldn't throw me in jail for illegal gambling) that he's an "eat to live" kind of guy.
So I thought I'd give him a hand by offering him a list of five places to eat that might inject a little pleasure and fun into his life. The man looks like he could use all the help he can get in the fun department...
1) A Shake Shack Burger and a pumpkin pie concrete: A man like Spitzer would never cut in line, but in mid-November the lines are much shorter at Shack Shack. Plus they have this great seasonal concrete these days, made with a piece of pumpkin pie and vanilla custard.
2) I know Spitzer's done all he can to clean up Wall Street, but I would guess that he never stopped to eat down there. Eliot, take a few minutes and have a pizza at Adrienne's Pizza Bar. It's on Old Stone Street, and it's so crowded you'll be able to shake a few hands of people you might eventually indict. How sweet would that be?
3) Show you're going to be the governor of all the people by eating the buffet lunch at Charles Southern Kitchen on 151st and Eighth Avenue. It's really cheap, so you can afford to pay for it on a governor's salary. Just don't pull an Alan Hevesi on us by having your state-paid employee drive your wife there to meet you. It looks like you could use a little fattening up, so eat many, many pieces of Charles Gabriel's incomparable fried chicken. It's a buffet, so it's not cheating to go back for seconds and even thirds.
4) Keep in touch with your base by having a hand-cut pastrami sandwich at Katz's. Ignore the obvious bribery going on with the sandwich men when they add a few more slices to your sandwich if you give them a buck or two extra. Do not indict them! You don't want to take on those counter guys at Katz's. They're way tougher than Wall Street tycoons.
5) Have two slices of pizza at DiFara's in Midwood, Brooklyn. Do not attempt to throw your weight around in a misguided effort to circumvent the obvious line chaos you're confronted by when you walk into DiFara's. Dom won't know who you are, and he wouldn't care even if he did. Just wait in line with the rest of us and enjoy your slices when they do come. Ignore the slightly dirty environs you're eating your slice in. Do not attempt to call the health department to close Dom down. Dom's fans will make it very hard for you to govern if you do.
Where else should we send Eliot Spitzer to eat? I'll compile a list and send to Albany.